The Catcher in the Guy
If there's one thing I know about people, it's that they just don't get it, and they never will. Sometimes brilliance is like spouting gansta-rap to your mother; it just doesn't fly. It certainly doesn't supahfly.
In my never-ending quest to capture the essence of writing, I concocted a character that was centered around the fundamental nature of bad Hollywood writing. The film: Fatal Killings. The character: Guy Number 2. A few words always come to the average joe's mind when this character is brought up: confusion, boredom, bewilderment, anger, bafflement, breasts, confusion... the list goes on. The reason for this is much simpler than you'd think: you're all idiots.
Guy Number 2 is a tool, an obvious writing tool. He's there to get the plot moving easily at times when I would've actually had to think, rather than write. Don't listen to those hacks that say you've gotta think before you write. If you see them sell a script, tell me about it, because it would be the first time in Hollywood history. So, with Guy Number 2, the writing process is laid bare as a drunk sorority girl who passed out in the middle of a frat party, and hilarity ensues, whether you think so or not.
For all you non-believers, I have only one thing to say: one day, you're gonna wake up and take a look at yourselves. You know what you'll see? You'll see Guy Number 2...