Dream A Little Dream With Me
I have a dream! I'm dreaming of a White Christmas; to dream the impossible dream. Come on, everybody! Join the Dream team! Everywhere you look in this society, the little dream bubbles are popping up with happy little pictures of happy little things to fill our happy little heads. So many little dream bubbles yet awaiting the dastardly pin of Dave Casey.
Now, I'm not so sinister as to rail against dreams in general. That column will appear in my other weekly publication: Soul Crusher's Digest. I suggest you order a copy. The noose comes free of charge. But, no, sadly, this week's rant is on dream sequences. The TTT has succumb only once, but more on that later...
Fundamentally, the dream sequence is ridiculous. When's the last time you've had a dream that appeared to be normal reality only long enough to lull you into a false sense of security until things begin to get weirder and weirder and weirder leading up to a horrifying and impossible climax that could destroy your entire life by making you face your greatest of fears in an obvious and insanely uncreative manner, while maintaining perfect shot composition and lighting with oft changing angles of perception on characters who are much more attractive than anyone you've ever met, yet are meant to be your family and/or friends and/or enemies?
Three times? Really?
Uh... you're serious? That's really happened to you?
Wow. I'm at a loss here... I really hadn't counted on that. What am I gonna do now? WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOOOOOOW?! I can't be wrong! IT JUST CAN'T BE!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Whoa! That was the strangest dream I've ever had... I guess it was inevitable that I'd have a printed dream at some point...
Anyway, I'll tell you about the TTT's dream sequence.
Trek Wars marked the fatal voyage into the unknown deep-sea crap of the dream world. Captain Retard dreams up a useless subplot about entering a black hole and such nonsense. Everybody knows that even dream black holes are inescapable. Where was our research then?! Naturally, it was that singular useless subplot, out of the innumerable useless subplots, that pushed Trek Wars into the abyss of badness. I really don't need to tell you who's to blame for this atrocity. Lemme just say: Edtay Tolzfussay. Don't worry. He can't read Pig Latin. Or my columns. You see, he filed a restraining order against my writing. C'est la crap.
So, all of this to say, dream sequences are to writing, as bratwurst is to punk rock. It's just the easy way out.