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'H' Ain't Nothin' But A Number

I want to mention this before you read further:  this has been brought to you by the letter 'H'.  And it has absolutely nothing to do with that crazy TTT, whom I consistently take advantage of.

Today, I glanced up at the wall of my miniscule, dung-hole of an apartment, and noticed a set of taped-up pictures vaguely forming the shape of an 'H'.  What the pictures were of, I can't say, because my articles are quite popular with the police, who should arrest me immediately.  Anyway, I had to marvel at the splendor of 'H'.  Those of you reading sarcasm into that should try being hit out of the blue by the formation of that wondrous letter.  Oh yeah, and, um, I hate people, and, by that, I mean everyone, so... uh... insert an insult pertaining to your intelligence, or lack thereof, here: _______________

By the way, I'm an idiot, and I dance if you throw cans at me.

Alright.  For those of you who are still reading... oh, uh, I mean for those of you who CAN read (HA!  Got you there!), I have a zesty treat for you.  This is my treatise on the capital letter 'H'.  Ah-hem... If it were spun around 90 degrees, it would most likely appear to be much like a 'not equal to' sign.  In its present state, it has the look of a front view of a chair with no back, although that be fairly impractical.  Many fun words begin with the letter 'H':  hospital, hunger, hatred, headache, horror, hack, hurl, Haley Joel Osment, haggard, or even Har, Har, Har, which is the sound a pirate makes while he is chopping out your spleen.  A giggling, little child adds, "If you give the letter 'H' a big, ole hug, it squishes into the letter 'A'!  'A' stands for anarchy and sAtan!  Giggle giggle!"  Then I promptly ate that kid.

We've all learned a great deal today, I believe.  I've learned how to write, and you've learned that I'm a horrible, misanthropic pig.  Wouldn't you laugh if they served me with a giant apple shoved in my mouth?  That's a funny image.  Ummm... and you're stupid.

I like being kicked in the shins by children.  And every time I get the chance, I trip the elderly.  Who took my medication?!

Dave "Player-Hater" Casey