The Supreme DICKtator of Earth

Trek Wars, taken in its entirety, is the epitome of Failed TTT Jokes.  Some parts, such as the civil war scene,  stand out as funny and well researched.  But in general, the failed jokes in Trek Wars could fill a book.  And not some piddely insignificant thing such as the Amish phone book or "An In-Depth Look at Anagrams of the Pronoun I"; mere pamphlets in the vast sea of literature.  We're talking a weighty tome that would rival "A Listing of Porn on the Internet" or  the "Encyclopedia Galactica."

Because of this, we need to focus on small sections.  The problem that we are immediately faced with, however, is where to begin.  Since this is the six year anniversary edition of this column, I've decided to treat you all to a three-for-the-price-of-one deal.  The final three jokes in Trek Wars, as a matter of fact.

The setup:  The movie is about to wrap up.  It's going to be a happy ending, by the look of things, because the hero, Luke Skawalker, is about to marry the Princess.  They are standing in the "wedding hall" And...

Failed Joke Number One:
They are holding a wedding band.  This is actually a belt which they are both holding.  When asked by the confused viewer what, exactly, are they holding, we inform them that yes, it is indeed a wedding band.  (Looking back, I'm surprised we didn't get a picture of, say, Metallica, have them hold that, and say it's the wedding "band."  Probably the only reason we didn't do that is cause we just wanted to get the freakin' movie done.)  Anyway.

A running gag through out the movie is that Luke is trying to find his uncle.  Well, at the end, his uncle shows up and...

Failed Joke Number Two:
Luke's uncle gets killed before he makes his entrance, in the middle of the wedding.  It was supposed to be funny.  Unfortunately, no one knew who the random guy is who shouts "Luke, I am your..." as he dies.  Not to mention he's like 20 feet away from the camera on an echoey set, so you can't hear him anyway.

So they wrap the wedding up.  Rather, they almost wrap the wedding up.  Word comes on at the last second and announces that Skawalker and the Princess are actually brother and sister, so they end up not getting hitched, after all.  Cut to an outside shot of the ship.  We hear a door opening and closing and...

Failed Joke Number Three:
The supreme dictator of Earth shows up.  It is, of course, a rather thinly discussed reference to a certain former president, especially when the princess announces, "Hey!  It's, like, the supreme DICKtator of Earth."  The President responds in his trade-marked southern accent with: "Hi there.  My name is... well, I think you all know who I am.  I have heard that you are recently available.  Would you like to come down to my oral.. er, uh... oval office?"

Cut.  The Absolute End.  As you can see, you're not laughing, and neither was the audience when this final line was delivered.  The only saving grace was the credits, which explode from the TV with the same music as the Star Wars credits, releasing all the built-up tension from the audience which mostly consists of "Should I laugh now?"

As a post script, I have to mention that the credit music was, in fact, so successful that we used it for Fatal Killings and From Beyond, even though those were wholly unrelated to Star Wars.

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